So, remember Paul*? My good taste in bad decisions from almost two years ago?
Well. Here’s a quick recap.
I found out that Seth was dating already, only 2 months after I moved out. So I went on CraigsList. Most of the ads positively disgusted me, but I saw one that was a single dad looking for a single mom, Friends with Benefits sort of thing.
I figured, since I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I didn’t want a random hookup, FWB was the perfect compromise.
Sid was able to dissuade me from hooking up with him by saying, “Yeah, you could do that, and you might not be in crisis. But your recovery would be at risk.”
Your recovery would be at risk.
All day before our date that was running through my head.
Yes, we still went on the date. And yes, there were some make-outs.
But ultimately I sent him home without sleeping with him, telling him that while I wanted to have sex, it was a bad idea, because I would just be using it to distract from my feelings–specifically the grief of my divorce.
He was glad I told him, wouldn’t want me to do anything I didn’t want to.
He went home, and I continued drinking to excess, figuring I had made one good decision that night, and that was enough.
Well, I haven’t had a drink, since. I woke up the next morning and thought, “maybe I shouldn’t be drinking.”
About a month later, in a moment of weakness I messaged him again, ultimately looking for a hookup. He reminded me, “you said no for a reason.”
Damn it, Paul. I mean, damn it at the time, but also way to be a good guy.
Last week I went out for drinks with my classmates after the last day of classes. (To the point above, I stuck to Coke.) Lots of good talk about relationships and life in general, and hell, we played never have I ever.
The whole experience got me thinking, and feeling more open and willing to put myself out there.
So on Saturday, I reactivated my OkCupid account. This is something I’ve done sporadically on and off, I’ll use it for a while, get frustrated, and deactivate it, only to come back a little later and start all over again.
But I was really starting to get frustrated with the lack of potential dating options.
Anyway, I was like, if I’m gonna do it this time, I may as well go all the way. So I paid for the stupid upgrade options.
Maybe an hour later, I’m looking at my matches.
Hey, wait. That looks like Paul. *click* OMG, it IS him!
This is only significant because I know he’s been in a serious relationship since not long after the last time we hung out. And I know this because we’ve stayed FB friends, though practically no interaction.
A 91% match!
So I messaged him on Facebook. He remembered me, and apparently I made an impression. (So did he!)
We’ve hung out twice since then… the second time was, oh, my! NSFW.
And we’ve been chatting online pretty much nonstop since then.
Plenty of sexy talk, but also lots of other stuff, too.
So that’s my big news.🙂