Codependence

That’s probably something I talk about a lot.  It’s pretty relevant to me.  I’ve been pretty codependent, though I’m working to change that.

Anyway, the other day my friend said that his therapist recommended he go to CoDA–Codependents Anonymous, there are so many 12 step programs.  Well, being the good little codependent that I am, my first reaction was: “Would you like me to go with you?”

I’m not sure which amuses me more… that, or when Seth told me he’s teaching his friend “not to be such a codependent mess.”

Also, when Sid cancelled our appointment, what I wanted to do was ask what was wrong, and make him feel better.  Yup, I even want to caretake my therapist.  It was Emma’s first day of daycare, and I had just picked her up when he called.  And, yet, I thought about his feelings before thinking of my own.  It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, though, as I don’t remember the last time I’d had a night off from the baby with nowhere to go (meeting, therapist, etc.)

So, yes, daycare.  I cried after the tour of the facility on Tuesday.  I cried a little less Wednesday when I dropped her off.  I went and joined the gym, with the sole intention of sitting in the hot tub.  The hot tub was my self care.  I’d even told my GA sponsor my plan was to cry in the hot tub.  I didn’t.  So those feelings leaked out a few hours later.

Seth and I had a disagreement about my rescheduling the appointment with Sid.  I told him I’d taken the 2pm slot on Saturday (today).  Now, the night before I’d asked him if I could take that slot because I didn’t think I was quite ready to go back to only once a week.  He offered to see if he could rearrange his plans, I said nevermind.  So when I brought it up Wednesday, I said “I took the 2pm slot.”  Because we’d discussed it the night before, I was about to drive home from daycare, and I knew there would still be plenty of opportunity to change it if Seth had a problem with it.

He DID have a problem with my just telling him.  I guess I was supposed to add, what I thought was implied, “Is that ok?”

Well, so then I called Cameron sobbing, telling her how much I wanted to yell at Seth:  “No, I don’t care what your plans are with the whore you’re fucking, they can wait another hour and a half!”
It’s such an improvement to make a program call, and tell someone the irrational things I want to do, rather than just impulsively doing them.
Also, that was my feelings about daycare coming out sideways.

And on a side note, thank HP I didn’t refer to his qualifier as a whore.  If I’d been combative and angry about it, he may not have been so generous with his financial proposal later that night.

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One thought on “Codependence

  1. “It’s such an improvement to make a program call, and tell someone the irrational things I want to do, rather than just impulsively doing them.” Yay, well done 🙂

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