This post is going to be a mish-mash of things. I sold my wedding rings. I was fine until the guy slid the paper across the counter for me to sign them away. If I had it to do over again, I’d have asked “If I started crying earlier, would you have offered me more money?” 😛 But, instead, as soon as I started crying, I apologized. I APOLOGIZED for having feelings. Oy.
Seth has a girlfriend. (Not really surprising, or news, but I’m 100% sure now) And, yes, it’s someone he cheated on me with while we were “happily” married. I saw a clear sign the day after I sold my rings, so, that made me feel a little better about the sale. Yesterday was the anniversary of the first time I kicked Seth out of the house. Our wedding anniversary is coming up soon–pretty sure the papers won’t be done enough to be signed before then.
Yesterday I also decided to spend some of that ring money on me! It’s long past time where I should put away the maternity shirts. But they’re so comfy!! Sigh. Bought some clothes, and some makeup! Dyed my hair Friday night, still want to get it cut though. I guess it’s time for a change. Turning this divorce into a positive transition, right?
I also bought makeup. I may actually start wearing it regularly. Especially since the first day I did it myself (today!) got me flirted with! I’m so dense, I didn’t realize the cashier at Target was flirting until 5 minutes later, but… once I figured it out, it felt pretty good.
This upcoming Friday is my first step share. Eep. I am anxious and excited about it. I’ve invited a lot of people I know, both in and out of recovery. My GA sponsor is coming. Sid is coming.
Then Saturday, I’m going to another meetup for my local Single Parents group. I’m really looking forward to it. We’re playing Cards Against Humanity (same as the first one I went to a few weeks ago).
So. There was a guy at that first one that I’m pretty sure was checking me out. I do think he’s attractive. He was also the only other person there not drinking. He’s RSVPed yes for this event. I don’t know if I’m ready to date yet, but of course I want to. Is that just my addict, though? Especially knowing that Seth has a girlfriend? My divorce isn’t even final yet. Ok, long story short, here, my brain is on a hamster wheel thinking about all the possible scenarios with this guy Saturday, and how I think I should react vs. how I want to react. Now, of course, none of them include “just see what happens.” *sigh*
Anyway, that’s a lot of rambling. A lot has been going on, and this is a busy week coming up.
I guess I just felt like I needed to get current. There are a few other thoughts swimming around in my head… how I felt like I asked a question like a therapist would the other day. How someone after a meeting made it very clear she thinks I should have waited on the divorce etc. and I came away from that thinking, “well, isn’t that special.”
Oh yeah, and I will not have a sponsor in SLAA after Friday. SO. MUCH. DRAMA. I’m kind of just completely over it. I feel like I’m in High School again. I’m sure I’ll post in more detail, but it just kinda makes me cranky now, I think.
And that’s all I’ve got tonight.