A Learning Experience

Another Single Parents meetup last night.
Man, I still have some work to do.  Both cute boys I mentioned previously, Aaron and James, were there.

I’ll try to sum up:
At some point, I carried on a normal conversation between James and a few other people.  Nothing too exciting, which, hey, maybe is a good thing.  Just chit chat.  It felt good.  Oh, and both wearing a Star Wars shirt, and referencing BSG earned me some well-deserved nerd points, I’m sure. 😉
Though, I guess carried on a conversation is an interesting way to put it, because I seem to have lost my voice.  Again.  Which is really damn irritating.  I guess I need to find a way to do my volunteer job, that is, talk on the phone for 4 hours, without losing my voice.

The part that I’d consider a learning experience is primarily with Aaron.  First, I was preoccupied when I realized he was drinking beer.  Shit.  Isn’t he an alcoholic?  Has he relapsed?  Am I already obsessing over an addict who wants to stay sick?
Oh.  It was non-alcoholic beer.
Then, by the time I tried to carry on a conversation, holy shit I was so awkward!  The music, and me losing my voice didn’t help.  But, damn, I have zero game.  No, I think I have negative game.
He did seem a little flirty toward me once or twice, and I tried to be nonchalant, and marginally flirty back… but I’m pretty sure I came off more cold / unreceptive / deer caught in headlights.  Which, that last one, I kind of was.  No, I definitely was.

Lastly, I tried to step up my game… only when he and another chick were getting flirty.  I was so freaking jealous.  Like, what?  He probably thinks I’m crazy now.
Side note: I noticed pangs of jealousy when James was chit chatting with another chick one on one for a while.

So, the lesson in all this… here I was, awkwardly trying to put myself out there.  “No, no, pay attention to ME!  Not HER!”  I found myself approaching/pursuing this guy I barely know.  When I don’t want to be the one pursuing!  Let somebody pursue me for once in my life!  Let somebody come to me and show me why they think I’m special!

There’s another event tonight.  Aaron will be there (probably, he’s RSVPed).

Rule number 1:  DO NOT PURSUE!  (Anyone!)
Rule number 2:  Just be yourself
Rule number 3:  Have fun!

I had fun last night, but I think I went in with expectations.  The times I’ve had the most fun, I haven’t had expectations.

Aaaand I just realized, if I can’t keep my shit together tonight, maybe I’m just not ready for these kinds of events.
Damn it.  That sucks to figure out. 😦


3 thoughts on “A Learning Experience

  1. I think your rules are spot-on. After 15 years “out of the game,” I’m learning all of this takes practice. Lots and lots of practice, sometimes. Go tonight and have fun!


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