Last night I was feeling great.  I met with Sid yesterday afternoon, and it was a good session.  We talked about SDJ, and how, with the department he works for, and the department(s) I’m looking to apply for, there would be minimal chance of running into each other.  Yay!

So I came home all excited to finally get my resume and cover letter up to speed, and apply.  I go to the SDJ website, and there’s a new position listed!  Holy crap, this is the one I want!!  I polished the hell out of my cover letter, and mostly finished the resume, but I was too tired to think coherently by that point, and haven’t had any time to work on it since.

I was hoping to finish the resume, and study for my test tomorrow (for the training I did, for this job I really want).  Great.  I’ll do all that after my meeting.

Just a quick stop by the house to pick up the last things I want to keep.
The most sentimental, all the wedding shit.  The dress, the ring bearer pillow, the glasses, etc. etc. etc.

No prob!  Stop by quick, and go on with my day!

I can be kind of dense sometimes.

So, someone was there picking up the last of the furniture from the house.  I used to work with her at the casino, and you literally could not drag her away from the Blackjack table.  Totally has a problem.
Ok, well… y’know, maybe I wish this stuff were going to someone else, but oh well.  I’m glad it’ll be used.  And if I wanted more say in where it went, I shouldn’t have left Seth to take care of everything.  Fine.  Whatever.
I think it bothers me more than I realized that it went to her… but, what’s done is done.  It’s out of my hands.

With the UHaul and whatnot in the driveway, I had to park on the street, and I decided I was not hauling the wedding shit all the way down the driveway, so I’d come back later.  (It’s a long driveway, and it’s heavy shit… I’m not that lazy)

So I go to tell Seth that I’ll come back later, and I realize, “Where’s Emma?”
“Oh, she’s with Cat*.”  His girlfriend.  “By the way, this is Cat’s son, Ryan*…. this is Emma’s Mom.”

I’d noticed the kid, but had just assumed he was with the folks picking up the furniture.  I don’t think I said anything to him, even when Seth introduced me.

So much information packed into those two tiny sentences.
She’s with Cat.  This is Cat’s son.

Like they’re instantly some big happy motherfucking family.

Fuck you, Seth.  Seriously.

Add to that the fact that we’d had a… discussion about Memorial Day.  See, it was supposed to be my day with Emma.  Since it’s a Monday, and he had the day off (daycare is closed), Seth assumed he would have her all day.  We went back and forth a few times, and ultimately I shrugged my shoulders and decided I’d enjoy the day off.

So it’s supposed to be my day with her, I cave really easily, and what does he do?  LEAVES HER WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

What the actual fuck?

Ok, and this is how crazy my brain is.  Way back when I found out he’d cheated on me with another woman IN OUR BED, my very first thought was shame about how messy the bedroom was.
So here I am, trying to say goodbye to my house, and I get Seth’s instant family shoved in my face.  And my reaction?  I worry what Ryan thought of me.  I’m preoccupied with an 8 year old boy’s opinion of me… is he going to “report back” to his Mom?  Tell her I’m mean?

What is wrong with me?!

So I have to leave for my test early tomorrow morning, and I have neither studied, nor worked on my resume all GD day.  I am so not in the right mind frame for this.  Ugh.


2 thoughts on “Deflated

  1. Interestingly, my husband & I were watching a tv show called surviving marriage & I said, “I admit while we decided we didn’t want more kids, I chose my tubal with no reservation. If God forbid something happened to US, I know I wouldn’t have wanted to start over having more kids. Then too, since I had a tubal & you didn’t have a vasectomy, if i had to stand there watching you get some new hoe of a wife pregnant & you grow a whole new fckn family👪, I might just have to kick ur ass. Ugh. That would just not be fun to look at. Want me to come kick his ass? 😜👊 Hugs Super Big Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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