Dam it, Sid!

I’m a human being, not a Vulcan!

So I mentioned in my last post that I’ve been stuffing my feelings about selling the house.  And that they smacked me in the face when something about Seth’s girlfriend (and her son) came up.

I’m still stuffing my feelings, and thus stuffing my face.  I recognize that the feelings are there, and am terrified of them.

So I drove an hour away to take my test yesterday.
Back up, I applied for the newest listing on the SDJ website.  I worked my ass off to get the resume and cover letter done, figuring since it was a holiday weekend, I’d love to have the application in first thing Tuesday morning!  So I sent it at like 8:15, about an hour before I needed to leave.  I was instantly rewarded with: an out of office reply!  The guy is out of the office until 6/1.  *sigh*  Good thing I worked extra hard to get it out!

Anyway, I took the test!  I felt more confident going in than coming out.  But I’m probably (hopefully) just second guessing myself.  Unfortunately it’ll be a few weeks before I find out the results.  Ugh!

Then I called Sid.  Well, after eating some McFeelings.  Actually I called him from the McParkingLot before I left to go back home.  Basically, my voicemail said: I’ll be ok, but I have some feelings, and ignoring them has made them bigger and scarier, so I’m calling in the big guns.

So, before I drive an hour home, I’ve left a message basically asking if he has any openings that day.  Because I’m not busy enough.  But mostly because I want a safe place to process my feelings.

I get home, and apply for 5 more jobs — 4 of them at SDJ.
No call back from Sid.

I do the dishes, and then go to my GA meeting… compulsively checking my phone during both.

Sid finally calls back just as I’m getting to my car, after the GA meeting, before my meeting with Cameron.
He doesn’t have any openings until next week.  Not terribly surprising after a holiday weekend, I guess.
So at this point, I’m stuck waiting until our appointment on Monday.
He did offer to call me if anything opens up.  That meant a lot to me.

Anyway, so I’m kind of numb right now.  I know the feelings are there, and I don’t want to go near them.  So I’m just trying to keep the dam in tact until my next session, with whatever I can… fingers, gum, duct tape, band aids…

I think I’m going to bring my teddy bear, since we’ve established that Sid doesn’t hug clients.

5/27/15.  We had to go to the escrow company to sign everything over to the new owners.  As I was writing the last 5 in the last date on the last page I had to sign, I paused.

Closing is tomorrow.  I should have a big wad of cash in my account on Friday.

And I’m trying to hold these feelings in until Monday.  I really hope the dam doesn’t burst between now and then.

Some of us misused drugs, alcohol, or food, and others kept so busy that we didn’t have time to feel our emotions. –The S-Anon Problem

Not so much with the drugs, but otherwise that’s a whole lot of big fat checks.  Gambling’s not on the list, but I think it certainly counts.
Right now, I’m keeping super busy.

And eating.

Cameron reminded me at our meeting last night that the two most important things are that I don’t gamble, and I don’t, uh, numb out with boys.
Damn.  Boys hold a helluva lot more appeal than casinos.
I guess using food as a crutch is better.  For now.

I’m going to give Eric Cartman a run for his money.



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