Big time!



I’d say this is the job I want the most.  But… I feel like since I started kinda looking, I’ve felt that way about a few different jobs.  I’d go looking through the job postings, and get really excited about something: I really want this job!  Then two weeks later, or so… no wait, I really want THIS job.  And so on.

Hell, this isn’t even the first peer support job I’ve felt this way about.  But, y’know, that one was 20 hours a week with FULL BENEFITS.  Wait, what?  Yes, it listed FULL BENEFITS for 20 hours a week.  At a good hourly rate.  So of course that was the one I wanted, didn’t really matter the specifics.
Side note, I did hear from that place.  They’ve wanted to interview me twice now.  Both times it’s been for a FT position.  *sigh*  Well, I just got the Email from them tonight, right before my appt. with Sid, and I think this is a different FT position, but still FT.  So this may be the second time I’ve almost had an interview with them.  *SIGH*

Anyway, this one is at SDJ.  And, on the scale of “I really want this job,” it tops out all the others.
Weeeeeeeeeeeellllll, from a practical point of view, 20 hours + full benefits can’t really be beat.  But, from the specific sort of department the job is for, this one tops the list.

Good session with Sid tonight.
I still hate feelings.  Damn it, hate is a feeling, isn’t it!
We covered everything on my list except the “If we have time” thing.

I feel a little more capable of detaching from the people I help, and not taking their feelings home with me.
I feel a little more capable… maybe… of being vulnerable, and engaging in meaningful conversations with boys I’m attracted to.  Being vulnerable, and letting go of the outcome.

I feel better about this strange sensory feeling.  I think I’m just feeling shit.  There’s nothing “wrong” with me that I’m feeling stuff.  I told a friend today, things feel… “feel-ier.”  They do!  My nerves are all a little extra … something.  I can’t turn it off, so I just have to “ride the wave.” (Sid’s words, not mine)  I’m adjusting to it, and accepting that I can’t make it go away any more than I can turn down the blue in the sky.  Maybe I just have to live with it.  OTOH: it’s kind of making me miss sex even more… because it would probably feel extra awesome.  *sigh*  Stupid morals, and ethics.

And on that lovely note, I’m gonna get some zzzzz’s.  Busy week ahead!

OH!  And I’m proud of myself.  Seth has a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to go over the papers.  I asked him if we could table any discussion about it until after the interview. 🙂  Yay asking for my emotional needs!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s