Tragic Kingdom

Side note: the title track was actually my least favorite song from this album.

A good blogfriend posted recently about emotional incest.  I’m thinking, yeah, I’ve heard of that, I’m familiar with the term.

Then I went to Google.

Emotional incest.  Covert incest.  Emotional abuse.  Narcissistic abuse.  Parentification.  Narcissistic parentification.

They’re not necessarily all the exact same thing… but definitely in the same ballpark.  And they all apply to me.

From Wikipedia:  “Narcissistic parentification occurs when a child is forced to take on the parent’s idealised projection, something which encourages a compulsive perfectionism in the child at the expense of their natural development.  In a kind of pseudo-identification, the child is induced by any and all means to take on the characteristics of the parental ego ideal.”

Well, shit, that just really cuts to the heart like a hot knife through butter.

Compulsive perfectionism.  Ego ideal.

Of course I’m smart, I’m her daughter.
Of course I’m pretty, I’m her daughter.

It makes me a little angry, but it also makes me sad.
Sad for the little girl I didn’t get to be.
Sad for the little girl that mom attempted to shove into her own misshapen mold, such that my only identity was fighting against it.

So sad.  It makes me heartsick.

And it makes me want to pray to whatever, whoever, anything… that I don’t do that to my little girl.


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