You’re so vain! You probably think this post is about you! [Explicit]

So.  Ghosting.  It’s a thing.
It’s a thing that happened to me with the first guy I slept with post separation.
HOORAY!  (Ghosting is when you’re dating someone and *poof* they cut off all contact, so you will politely “get the hint.”)

I dunno, I really thought he was more mature and straightforward than that.  I’m trying not to take it too personally.  Trying being the operative word.
Well.  It was fun.  It was a learning experience.

As an aside, I’m starting to wonder if my profile screams out: Vegans please apply!
Earlier this week I had a vegan “like” me on the site.  And today I’ve been chatting with yet another one… and then making plans for coffee with him.

So, IOP is going well.  And by going well I mean: HOLY SHIT I’ve got issues.


Seriously, the deeper I dig, the more shit I uncover.  So much faulty reasoning, the majority of which stems from my mother.  I think it’ll take a good while to reverse.

Oh, and speaking of family.  I don’t know why I’m surprised when I realize I have to maintain boundaries with others in my family besides my Mom.

I was talking to my brother today.  He asked what Emma and I were up to.  I told him she was at daycare, and I had someone over cleaning my house.
He said, “Someone cleaning for you, someone watching your baby for you? Now, if only you could hire someone to take a dump for you, you’d be all set :P”

Excuse Me Dr

Naughty words behind the cut.  (Including the Seaward)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.  No wonder I feel shame around practicing any kind of self-care.  My WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY does it.

What I wanted to say:
If only I could hire someone to help me work through all the psychological trauma our cunt of a mother inflicted.

What I actually said:
If only I could hire someone to help me cope with all the emotional/psychological issues I’m working through. 😛 Oh wait, that’s why I have a therapist.

His response was another 😛 and to change the subject.

But like, dude, seriously.  Way to shame me for motherfucking TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

I am NOT going to apologize for putting my child in daycare.  It was the best thing I ever did, for me, for her, (and maybe) for her Dad.  She’s getting awesome socialization, and having way more fun than she would at home with me all day.  And it wasn’t until I put her in daycare that I realized just how miserable I’d been as a SAHM.

And I am NOT going to apologize for paying someone to clean my house.  I’ve only just gotten over the shame of it, and it took a long ass time.  She really needs the money, and with everything else on my plate I struggle to find time or especially motivation to clean.  So I’d much rather pay her and have a clean place than live in clutter all the time.


Like, seriously.  If he weren’t my brother, I probably would’ve been much more rude.

Ok, I think my rant is over.


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