So, life. Work is busy, IOP is kicking my ass (in the way that I need), and Emma is … a toddler. 🙂
I applied for grad school last week. And the the next day, one of my references, who had agreed to be a reference just a week before that, decided she couldn’t write me a recommendation. Because why? Because I didn’t complete the year of volunteer service I’d committed to when I signed up. Seriously? As if I didn’t have enough guilt over that shit? Ugh.
I currently have strep throat. It’s pretty miserable, even after a dose of antibiotics and steroids (to reduce the swelling) this morning. Oh, and tomorrow I’m supposed to go to a training tomorrow… which is held at the same place I used to volunteer. So I could easily run into the chick who backed out on recommending me. Ugh.
The good news is, I’ve had time to catch up on my Game of Thrones watching. I’ve read all the books, but I had only seen Season 1. I’ve now plowed through Seasons 2 & 3. I just picked up Season 4, and just that quick trip to the library wiped me out pretty effectively. Ugh.
Anyway. As to the title. I was just sitting here thinking about happy pregnant/new mom friends. I’ve instead asked one of my college professors to write the recommendation, since the school wanted 1 professional and 1 academic recommendation… but they said if you hadn’t been in school in over 5 years (it’s been over 10!) they said 2 professional references would work. Well, I’m glad I went to a small-ish school, and my professors remember me. 🙂
Anywho, so I was giving my Philosophy advisor the brief rundown of my life since graduation, and I mentioned finding out about Seth’s infidelity halfway through pregnancy.
The joys of pregnancy? He stole that shit from me. Between a cheating husband, and pregnancy-induced-hypertension which made for countless ultrasounds and tests which inevitably yielded further nerve-wracking tests when they discovered possible abnormalities (which turned out to be nothing), and eventually led to me on bed rest. Yeah, I didn’t get to experience the joys of pregnancy. I didn’t get to experience the joys of being a new mom, because my marriage exploded (again!) when she was FOUR MONTHS OLD. I moved out when she was 10 months old. We’ll be officially divorced right around her second birthday.
Fuck him, and his inability to keep his dick in his pants!
But I do have her, and she is amazing. I love her to the moon and back. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. There may always be some bitter-sweetness there, because he stole the “Happy Family – mommy, daddy & baby” from me. But none of that is her fault. And I love watching her learn, and enjoy life. 🙂
I’m also a little sad that I missed her speech therapy this morning. I was busy at Urgent Care getting diagnosed with Strep. He told me what happened, and it sounded like a lot of fun!
He did take me to Urgent Care on the way to Speech Therapy, and pick me up after, and then take me to the drugstore to get my prescriptions… and then pick me up and take me home after he dropped Emma at daycare. So he’s not a total louse. And there are benefits to not hating each other. 🙂
Oh yeah, last week was rough. On top of the reference dropping out, I had both therapists, and my dietitian basically telling me that I need to do more than just show up and go through the motions with IOP and recovery in general.
There was lots of crying, and a general feeling of not being good enough. Not being perfect and keeping my commitment of a year to the volunteer thing, which had me lose a reference, possibly jeopardizing my grad school application. And “failing” at IOP (my words, no one else’s).
OH YEAH. And Tess recommended I stop trying to date and whatnot for now. That’s just added stress and time and blablablah. I hate it when she’s right, but… she’s right.
Oy. And fuck this strep throat. I’m tired of being tired. I never thought I would get tired of sleeping.