This is my job.

Hello, it’s me.

I was wondering if after all these months you’d like a post
to go over everything.

So, hi.  It’s been 2 months since I posted.  Been a little busy…

I stepped down from IOP (with my treatment team’s approval).
I bought a new car.
I became officially divorced.
I met my new nephew!
I went to Iceland, and Paris.
Emma had a birthday.  I had a birthday (in Iceland).
I had to break up with Sid. (Thanks, Premera!)
I joined a singles activities club.

I imagine there are other things I’m forgetting… All these big things, and there are a few somewhat minor accomplishments, I take as a sign of improved overall mental health.  Like I am keeping a budget, and organizing my apartment–there are dirty clothes in my hamper!  That almost never happens!

It was hard to say goodbye to Sid, but I’d seen it coming for over a month.  I knew that with my increased hours and SDJ insurance Jan 1st, the copay for Sid–who is not a preferred provider with the insurance he himself has for his own family, “the irony is not lost on me,” he said–was just too expensive to make it worthwhile.  So Tess is taking the reigns solo.  I even said to Sid in one of our last sessions that eventually the mama bird kicks the babies out of the nest so they can fly… and if it weren’t for Premera, I might continue therapy with him to the point where I was coming in for the mental health equivalent of a hangnail.
I have a lot of faith in Tess, though.

My dietitian also suggested we could step back to every other week, since I’m doing well, and not really having much issue with symptom use.

Shit, the training wheels are just flying off all over the place.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself with all the time I’m no longer spending in therapy…

My trip was absolutely amazing.  I did get to see the Northern Lights, which was the primary motivation for going to Iceland.  It was an absolutely phenomenal birthday, one that will be hard to top.  A wonderful trip overall, though I enjoyed Iceland more.

I love my new car.  A hybrid, Prius C, which means I make far more in mileage reimbursement from work than I actually spend on gas.

The divorce is final.  I guess not much to say on that front.  Bittersweet, of course.  Sad that it didn’t work, but freeing to be done with that business.

For Thanksgiving, Emma and I went to visit my brother and Sister-in-law, and meet my new nephew.  He is absolutely adorable, and I’m glad I got to meet him. 🙂  The trip itself was, well, exhausting.  Flying alone with a 2-year old was not my most well thought out plan.  (But I think it did make the vacation shortly after, where I traveled alone, all the more enjoyable 😉 )  Mostly it was dealing with a clingy/cranky toddler.  The entire time.  Not enough sleep, lots of new things and people… I didn’t really get to eat many meals without her in my lap.  I did it, we both survived, the world didn’t stop turning.  I got to meet my nephew, and spend time with my extended not-quite-family (SIL’s family).  I had fun, and lots of good food.  But man it took a lot out of me.

Stepping down from IOP felt good, but since I did it right before I left for my trip it wasn’t as jarring a transition as it could’ve been.  I was in IOP, went on vacation, and didn’t have IOP when I got back.  It’s nice to have evenings again.  And I do feel so so SO much better about food in general, and body image.

And the singles activity club… Tess had suggested I think about dating again.  She’s not particularly fond of online dating (hell, that’s how I met Seth!), but not completely against it… just cautioned that it can serve as a huge distraction, to feel like you’re doing something productive, when you’re actually not.  Anyway, so I joined this club.  They do activities and fun things that group singles together, without any explicit matchmaking or dating involved or whatever.  I’ve been to one event, New Year’s Eve.  It was a lot of fun.  I made some new girlfriends, which was one of my goals anyway, and maybe a little more comfortable for me than walking up and flirting with any of the guys.  Maybe I was being judgmental, but there was only really one guy I’d even considered going out of my way to talk to, and his first words to me were, “Are we doing shots?!?”  *sigh*  Not that he had any way of knowing I don’t drink, especially since I was in line at the bar.  I had a response planned if anyone offered to buy me a drink, but not shots.  Ah well.
The girls I made friends with were pretty cool.  One was another single mom recently divorced from a cheating bastard.

So, on my way to Reykjavik, I was reading, “Goodbye Ed, Hello Me.”  (I need to put that on my bookshelf)  Anywho.  There’s a chapter where the author talks about cleaning off her kitchen table, and at the end encourages the reader to stop whatever they’re doing, and clean off their table.  Well, I was on the plane at the start of a 10 day vacation… but in the meantime, it inspired me to brainstorm reorganizing this damned apartment.  I’ve lived here over a year, and I’m finally organizing.  My biggest problem I think has always been clutter.  I pay someone to clean, and it gets cleaner for sure, but there are always still piles of clutter or whatever, because she says she doesn’t know where to put stuff, and I’m like, “I don’t know where to put it either!”
Long story short, I’m working on finding places to put everything, which means more storage.  Ideally, at some point, also fewer “things” that need a place.  Anyway, it’s been a process, but it’s definitely chugging along.  Maybe I need to binge watch some Hoarders to motivate me to throw stuff out. 😛

Anyway, on the whole things are pretty good.  I might even say that I’m happy!  I think I want to blame the anti-depressants, but I’ve been on the same dose for nearly a year, and really it’s that I’ve done a colossal amount of work on myself.

So, Happy New Year!  And hopefully I’ll be around these parts more often. 😉


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