Mojo

Hmm, my record for posting hasn’t been that great lately.
Let’s play a little catch-up.

My first quarter of grad school starts in less than a month, and I am very close to finishing the last pre-req class.
Oh yeah, and today I got a reminder from the school about the requirement that we complete 20 hours of therapy (at least 10 have to be during your time in school there).  I think it’s great that it’s a requirement, but it also kind of amuses me.  I could get 20 hours of therapy with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back.

I close on my new house in exactly one month.  Say what?  Yeah, I realized that rent is stupid, so I’m buying a house.  NBD.  3 beds, 1.5 baths, 1400 square feet.  It’s walking distance to the school I want Emma to go to, and my monthly mortgage payment will be about the same as my current rent… and is most likely less than what my rent would go up to at the end of August when my lease is up.  They raised it $95/mo last year!

Tension between my supervisor and I is at an all-time high.  Ugh.  At least my manager is doing her managerial job well, and supporting both of us, and we’re going to talk it out like grown-ups, blah blah blah.

Tess and I had quite the conversation about my sudden reactivation of my online dating account, and more specifically about posting an ad on CraigsList.  She said I needed a “hit.”  And I said, damn it, you’re right.  Tess has said (I’m not sure if she’s joking or not) that her new business cards are going to say “Buzzkill.”  Joke or not, it’s totally accurate. 😛

Oh yeah, I ran into Sid at work for the first time!  We were doing a mandatory training for our new computer system.  I went to sign in, saw his name on the list and had a little mental freak-out, to the point where I started to write his name instead of mine. 😛  He showed up a few minutes in to the presentation, and I was a little distracted.  I was far more distracted by Connie sitting next to me, who would not STFU!  Anyway, I got to leave the training early, so I didn’t get a chance to say anything to him.  I like to think I would’ve at least said hi.

Ok, and to my point.  The mojo.

lost-mojo-help-resized1

I mean, I don’t know that I legitimately had any to begin with.  My “game” was pretty much to lead with sex.

So there’s this boy.  SHOCKER.
He is cute.
He has a lot of tattoos.  I like tattoos… I mean, I have 3.  But usually not this many.

I have met him twice.  Here’s the fun part: at the Urgent Care I’ve been to twice now for this stupid sinus infection.  (I think I just wasn’t on antibiotics quite long enough the first time).
He’s a Medical Assistant.  So he got the fun job of checking my vitals, asking about my prescriptions, medical history, etc.
And he made me laugh.  A bunch.  I think that’s what stuck out most about him.

Aladdin Laugh

Anyway.  I keep thinking about this guy.

And once again I’ve therapied myself.  I think I’m obsessing over this, and in fact I obsess in general, because I feel like if I analyze and over-analyze something, I can find an answer, without having to directly ask for an answer.
I want to KNOW but I don’t want to ASK.  So I’ll examine and re-examine the situation from every possible (and even improbable) angle.
I’m hung up on: Was he being extra funny/charming because he liked me?  Or is that just his bedside manner?  Of course he was borderline flirting with me… no, wait, there’s no way he was borderline flirting with me.  Maybe ethically he’s really not supposed to flirt with patients, but that was as close as he could get.  But no, definitely not flirting because I’m too [insert negative self-talk here].

So, what should I do to stop my wheels from spinning in the mud?  Fucking ask.
God damn it, that means being upfront.  Direct.  Bold.

Maybe I do have mojo after all.  It was just hidden under all my insecurity and self-doubt.

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