D-Day

Two years ago, we were out celebrating a friend’s birthday.  I was pregnant, and blissfully unaware of the reason (read: woman) Seth was preoccupied with his phone for.

I had no idea my world was about to come crashing down.

In just a few hours, late that night / early the next morning, my paranoia over my own gambling addiction would bring me to stumble on Seth’s sex addiction.

I am grateful that I discovered the truth.  Grateful that I don’t want to live in denial.  Grateful for all the changes this has brought.

Most of all, I am grateful for my little girl, who may have saved my life.  I don’t know how strong I would have been in light of discovery if I hadn’t had her to be strong for.  That, I’ll never know.  Maybe that was Higher Power’s plan.

I’m so grateful for finally having direction in my life, for so much more awareness, and for being able to set and maintain healthy boundaries for myself.

I’m grateful that we are both able to keep things amicable, for all our sakes, but especially Emma’s.  I’m extremely grateful for his financial generosity, and how that’s given me room for lots of that other stuff.

So many things I’m grateful for, which are either directly or indirectly a result of discovery.

But sweet motherfucker, Seth is an unrepentant piece of shit.

For that, I don’t think I will ever be grateful.

There is no dollar amount that will make fucking all those women (before and) during our marriage ok.  Certainly no figure to excuse that he’s not sorry, doesn’t care, and doesn’t think he did anything wrong.  I’ll take his guilt money, but it’s not an absolution of guilt.

Fuck, I can’t even think of any ills to wish on him… after all, he’s still Emma’s Dad.

But, wow.  What a giant, foul, stinking pile of horse shit.

I guess one of the parts of being a grown up is wiping it off your shoe, and accepting that other people are welcome to step in it if they really want to.

Did I mention that he sucks?